Good things about hell
by Jack Ritter
The road to it is well-maintained.
The road out is virtually traffic-free.
Eternal mortgage rates are at an all-time low.
You can socialize with folks who share your values.
If you don't want to go to work, you can call in damned.
Sulphur is free.
Low low dental rates for gnashed teeth.
All heating is government-subsidized.
Extended weeping hours, with extra wailing on weekends.
No more getting hit by snow balls.
Upscale brimstone houses are affordable.
When you shout "You damned kids!" it means something.
Affords an excellent view of heaven's licentious underbelly.
On a clear day, you can look up angels' skirts.
You can pitch horses in the park.
No more church!
Plenty of extra handbaskets.
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