Smirk and Snarl, the heroes of this verse,
Devised a plan to rule the universe.
They were, in many ways, the perfect pair:
Snarl had the brain, while Smirk had all the hair.
Snarl, the leader, said, "I have a shameful past,
With all that lovely wealth I have amassed
Befriending, though I really meant no harm,
The royal Saudis, and of course Saddam.
So you must be the front for my intent
To seize great profits from the government,
To rape the land, whatever means and ends,
And, by the way, enrich our loyal friends."
I'll do it!" said the ever-eager Smirk,
"With you in charge, the plan will surely work.
Ascendency has always been my dream
(He smiled, that smile of his that curdles cream),
I'm in; success and I were never strangers,
After all, I owned the Texas Rangers.
When that failed, Dad and others saved my bum
And let me dabble in petroleum."
"All right," said Snarl. His nether lip he curled
At thought of how he would bestride the world
A stout colossus, safe from all debate,
Serene, unchallenged, and supremely great.
"Everywhere we'll dominate by might,
Though we ourselves, in youth, declined to fight.
Let's raise the banner of preventive war!"
Then timid Smirk asked, "What is it all for,
The constant killing and incessant toil,
Democracy?"
"No, no, you idiot, oil!
We'll have it all, to do as we decide,
And you, young Smirk, I'm taking for the ride."
(But doubt then cast a shadow on his mind.
This boy, he thought, hardly the brightest kind,
Must be prepared, must be supplied, alas,
With what is called in Latin, gravitas.
"You'll need," he said, "to open up the door,
Some simple office. I know - governor!
It's safe and easy, just don't do a thing
Except some random executioning,
And soon, according to my firm intent
By hook or crook, you'll be the President."
So they planned, conspiring through the night
To make elections always come out right,
Smeared their opponents, doctored voter rolls,
Turned away unworthies at the polls,
And when the pundits had the final say,
Gained the victory, and won the day.
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