Counting the money calmed her.
Twenties here.
Tens there,
and so on.
A door knock.
What she wanted and dreaded had finally come.
_____Do you have the cash?
Yes.
_____All of it?
Yes.
_____Lay down and relax.
Relax. HA!
Her mind was a jumble
of electric flickering
ebbs and tides
all swirling
in and around her
like the blood
that she could now feel
warm and languid
slowly dripping
now pulsing
from between her legs.
Only the pain surged her
back through the maze
of confusion and fear
to the stark
sheer blinding white
surgical hell.
_____Don't move or it will hurt more.
But her body wanted to squirm
Escape
from the chasms of pain
that she had willingly
allowed it
to endure.
__________No one must know.
__________No one must ever find out
__________the truth.
That had been enough to make her do it.
She'd been human afterall.
Hadn't completely constricted her life
to conform to someone else's ideal.
__________But still,
__________She'd given into weakness.
Humanity.
Had reveled in it.
Celebrated it.
Given into herself,
and brought back fear.
Alone and scared
she lay rigid
trying not to scream more
than she'd already done.
_____He had no sympathy.
Made her feel
vulnerable and foolish
even as her body
fought to return
to its first position
fetal,
innocent and clean.
_____You may have some cramping and bleeding.
_____If you start to hemorrhage call a doctor, and forget
_____that you ever saw me.
The door slammed before she realized
that he had left her laying on the kitchen table
spread eagle and panting,
barely noticing the pain,
just the relief
that it was finally over,
forgetting the shameless way
that droplets of blood
had fallen
springing up
puddle after puddle
upon the floor.
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