And me,
Well, I always wanted to please him.
The last in a long line of girls,
I kept my hair cropped close boy-style,
Wore overalls and patched-up dungarees,
Took up boxing and stick ball,
Even fell in love with a girl once!
Then I turned 10,
And Mom said: “You need a bra!”
I told her: “I’ll just wear a wife-beater under my shirt like the boys!”
And Mom said: “You’ll see...”
And she laughed.
Then by some freak of Mother Nature,
I was transformed overnight like The Bride of Frankenstein.
Brigid Bardot’s boobs popped the buttons off my shirt,
My first period gushed like Old Faithful,
And every month there after flowed like Niagara Falls!
I completely lost my mind over everything with a dick.
Ashamed, I tried to keep myself under wraps.
To my surprise, I overheard Dad telling his friends,
“That’s my youngest. Would you believe she’s only 10!”
The boys on the stickball team seemed pretty pleased too.
Nothing like headlights to distract the opponents!
Afraid to tag me; they gave me wide girth while I ran the bases.
My boss,
He always wanted me to be one of the boys.
And me,
Well, I always wanted to please him.
The last in a long line of college co-eds,
I kept my hair clipped short man-style,
Wore a pinstriped pantsuit and perfectly polished penny loafers,
Became a techie and coached the corporate softball team,
Even fell in love with a man once!
Then I turned 30.
And Mom said, “You need a husband!”
And I said “But what if he’s a wife beater?”
And Mom said, “You’ve been living together for 3 years
and he hasn’t beaten you yet!”
And we laughed!
Then by some freak of Mother Nature,
I was transformed overnight into The Bride of Frankenstein.
Brigid Bardot’s boobs popped off the buttons of my blouse,
And my heart gushed out of my mouth like Old Faithful!
His kisses gentle like the mist under Niagara Falls,
I had completely lost my mind over a dick!
Embarrassed, I tried to keep it quiet.
To my surprise, I heard my Boss telling his friends,
“That’s my gal. She just got married!
And still never misses a beat at work!”
The boys on the corporate team were pretty pleased too.
Now we could work late, play hard and stay out all night drinking
without their wives feeling threatened.
And no one could touch me. The Boss knew my worth.
And soon I’d be running places!
(Of course, I had stop on the way home to bring the bacon home,
literally now, since I was married.)
My husband,
He always wanted a boy,
And me,
Well, I always wanted to please him,
The last in a long line of girlfriends,
I wore my hair pageboy style,
Donned a baseball cap and drove an SUV,
Confessed to motherhood and coached little league,
Even fell in love with a little baby once.
And then I turned 50,
And Mom said, “You need a girl child”
And I said, “Here’s my grand-child. Come and meet her!”
And mom said “Hmm, you better get her a bra soon.”
I told her: “She’ll just wear a wife beater under her shirt like the boys!”
And Mom said, “We’ll see about that!”
And we laughed!
To my surprise, I heard my son telling his friends,
“That lady in the overalls, that’s my mom.
She bought my first baseball mitt.
Taught me when to bunt and how to slam a home run.
Hope I can do the same for my girl!”
And I said: “ We’ll see about that!”
And we laughed!
You see, my Dad, he always wanted a boy.
And me,
Well, I always wanted to please him.
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