I'm making eyes at the brown haired beauty
on the opposing balcony
both of us in his and her matching bathrobes,
mine at a conservative length,
hers mid thigh as she teases me with her cigarette
and I with mine and I really think that I'm in heaven
until my girlfriend, now aware of the elicit flirtation,
decided to untie my robe from behind and pulls it wide open
while my mystery woman convulses with laughter
before she compliments me on my nice boxers with a blown kiss,
and i am forced inside to watch the 2013 Academy Awards
when just as an ice storm begins to pound the North Plano world
outside I became convinced that none of these bad things would
have happened to me if I'd stayed behind in Los Angeles and my
girlfriend told me none of those bad things would have happened
if I wasn't asking for bad things to happen me,
because I'd just won the Oscar for worst sense of humor
and that my trousers were more than likely to appear during
the in memoriaum sequence in between other honorees who had
nothing to do with the movies or even the big show she had
just put on for her vacationing sister's neighbor.
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